For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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