apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
