There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
