Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
