Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
