its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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