He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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