ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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