i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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