I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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