:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
