your parents love me but you hate me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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