It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Are we still banned from the library?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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