When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
