The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
