you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
