I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
