I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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