How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
