me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Damn victory sex feels great
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
