Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
