How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
