I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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