In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
