Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
