i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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