you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
