I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
