i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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