I looked at my own cervix.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so let's talk penis.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
