this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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