That's when you crack a 10am beer
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize