what day is it and did you see me today?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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