can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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