Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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