Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
