At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
