there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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