if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
