lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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