ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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