hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
