The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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