My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize