low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
