Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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