I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
