i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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