I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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