He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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