You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
