she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
