I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
