I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
