I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize