I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
