this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
