it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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