You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
