I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
