he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
