He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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