Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
