yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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