I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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