wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
